Cooking Disaster: A Never Special
by xdeidara-itachix
Summary: What happens when Deidara and Itachi try and cook together? Nothing good, that's what. This is between the ending and begining of my other stories but you don't need to know anything about them to understand the story


**Hey everyone, It's XDeidara here. This story is between the ending of Never and the begining of ForNever and Always. ItachiX and I got to thinking and said 'why dont we make a story for inbetween the two stories?' You honestly don't have to know anything about the previous story or the characters in it, just the fact that Hoshi is married to Deidara, Hajime is married to Itachi, and Michaela is pregnant with Kisame's kid and they're dating. That's all you need to know so enjoy this little one shot. :)**

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Deidara walked into the kitchen and found Hoshi, Akari, and Hajime whispering and giggling. The only thing he heard from their whispering was something about food and making it tonight. "What are you three talking about?" Deidara asked them as he waking over to them.

"We're talking about the potluck we're planning tonight!" Akari replied.

"Potluck?"

"Yeah, it's when people make food and bring it to one place and have a buffet type thing." Hoshi explained.

"That was a terrible explanation Hoshi." Hajime sighed.

"Well you know what Hajime, I don't have a very big vocabulary so just shut your trap and let me talk the way I feel like talking!!" Hoshi yelled.

"Ok, moving on," Deidara sighed. "So how are you planning on doing this, un?"

"We're going to make everyone choose a toothpick out of a bowl and one two have the same colour. The two people who have the same colour have to team up and make some food for tonight." Hoshi replied.

"And we're almost done!" Akari exclaimed.

"Then can we pick now?!?!" Henhane yelled from the living room.

"NO!" Akari yelled back.

"Aw…"

Another hour passed and the girls were done. Everyone picked a toothpick out of the bowl. Hoshi was paired up with Akari; Hajime was paired up with Kisame; Henhane was paired with Sasori; Michaela was paired with Hinagiku; and Deidara was paired with Itachi.

"No way," Deidara shook his head. "There is no way in hell I'm going to be cooking in the same room with this guy!!"

"Oh come on Deidara," Hoshi told him. "This is going to be fun! Just suck it up and roll with it." Hoshi smiled at him rubbing her 6-month pregnant belly.

"Fine," Deidara sighed. "As long as we're doing something easy so all hell doesn't break loose, un."

Deidara walked into the kitchen and found that Itachi was already there. "So," He started. "What are we cooking?"

"Cookies." Itachi replied bluntly.

"Cookies? Is that all you can come up with?" Deidara said crossing his arms.

"It's the easiest thing to make so stop complaining." Itachi growled.

"Alright, alright," Deidara rolled his eyes and walked over to the counter. "What kind are we making?" He looked at the recipe Itachi had printed out.

It was some sort of chocolate chip cookie. "How are we supposed to make this?"

"You've never cooked anything before have you?" Itachi asked him.

"Nope." Deidara snickered. Itachi rolled his eyes and got out all of the ingredients. "Hey, what's this?"

"That's the baking soda." Itachi replied.

"What does it do?"

"Why did Hoshi marry you?"

"Hey! That's getting personal, un!!" Deidara yelled. He threw the baking soda at Itachi and it exploded all over Itachi. "Oopse." Deidara tried really hard not to laugh.

"You idiot!" Itachi growled. He wiped the baking soda off of his face and cloak. "At least we have enough for the cookies." Itachi got the eggs out and put them on the counter.

"There's eggs in cookies?" Deidara asked.

"Do you know anything about cooking?"

"No, I thought I told you that already, un." Deidara crossed his arms.

"Don't make me rip your arms off again." Itachi threatened. Deidara backed away a bit.

They were mixing the ingredients when Deidara got the bright idea to mess with Itachi again. He put a little bit of clay in the flour jar and closed the lid. "Here you go Itachi, un." Deidara smiled. Itachi took it and opened the lid. "Katsu." Deidara whispered and the little bomb in the flour jar exploded and flour flew everywhere in Itachi's face. He was covered in flour. Deidara burst out into laughter. He was laughing so hard he couldn't breath.

Itachi glared at Deidara with his Sharingan eyes. "That's it!!" He used a torture genjutsu on Deidara. Deidara groaned in pain while he was sprawled out on the floor. "That should teach you not to mess with me you little artistic freak."

"What did you call me!?!??" Deidara yelled.

"You heard me!!" Itachi yelled.

In the living room, Hoshi and Hajime were talking about what they were going to make when they heard an explosion go off in the kitchen.

"That's your husband." Hajime smirked.

"Yours too!" Hoshi added. "I knew this was going to turn out bad. There won't be any kitchen left when they're done in there."

"Does Deidara even know how to cook?" Hajime asked.

"No…" Hoshi sighed. Hajime snickered. "Shut up."

"They're fighting like five-year-olds in there," Hajime pointed out hearing them scream at each other from the kitchen. "Do you think they'll kill each other if we leave them in a white room together one day?"

"If they don't kill each other now." Hoshi sighed.

Deidara and Itachi finally finished insulting each other after about an hour and went back to making the cookies. They were silent for a while…until they started putting the cookies on the pan.

"You're doing it wrong." Itachi told Deidara.

"How am I doing it wrong?" Deidara asked.

"You're supposed to use the cookie scooper." Itachi told him. Deidara's eye twitched with frustration.

"What if I don't want to use the cookie scooper?" He asked.

"You'll eat it all if you keep using your hands!" Itachi told him.

"No I won't, un."

"Yes you will, those hands of yours have minds of their own." Itachi sighed.

"They do not!!" Deidara yelled at him.

"You have about three mouths too many, maybe you should stitch them all up, even the one that's supposed to be there." Itachi smirked.

"You know what? Why don't you just go and get some glasses already and stop complaining about your bad eye sight!" Deidara yelled in his face.

"I've never complained before, Deidara."

"But you think about it! I know it, un."

"So you're a mind reader now are you?"

"Maybe I am, un." Deidara mumbled.

"Then what am I thinking right now?"

"You're thinking about you and Hajime in a room together alone, un." Deidara smirked thrusting his pelvis forward a couple times. Itachi glared at him and punched him in the face sending him flying into the wall at the other end of the room.

"That wasn't what I was thinking and you're a pervert," Itachi sighed. "I bet that's what you're thinking only with Hoshi."

"No…"Deidara mumbled trying to get out of the hole in the wall he was stuck in.

Hoshi and Hajime were standing just outside of the kitchen door and heard everything that they were saying. They both had red faces. "Is sex the only thing that guys think about?" Hoshi asked.

"No, that's just Deidara." Hajime laughed. Hoshi punched her in the shoulder. Hajime punched her back and Hoshi flew into the wall. "Oopse." Hajime walked away so no one would know she did that. Hoshi could see inside of the kitchen now that she was halfway through the wall.

"Hey Deidara, I see you're in the same situation as I am." Hoshi laughed nervously. Deidara rolled his eyes as he finally got out of the hole in the wall and fell to the ground with a thud. Hoshi just had to laugh. "What the hell happened in here? Did a storm pass by or what?" Hoshi asked looking around the kitchen.

"No, this is what happens when you put us in the same room together." Itachi told Hoshi.

"Well, I'll get out of your hair now." Hoshi said trying to get out of the wall. Failed attempt. "Uh, can one of you help me?"

Deidara grabbed Hoshi's hands and tried to pull her out. "Damn, you're really stuck, un."

"Really? I had no idea." Hoshi said sarcastically.

"I'll get her out." Hajime called from the other side of the wall.

"Oh no, don't let her do it Deidara!! Protect your wife!!" Hoshi screamed. Hajime grabbed onto Hoshi's legs and pulled her out dragging most of the wall with her. Hoshi was still stuck in the wall, though; it just wasn't attached to the other parts of the wall.

"You really ought to lose some weight, Hoshi." Hajime sighed.

"I'm fucking pregnant!! How am I supposed to lose weight when I'm gaining it every day!?" Hoshi yelled.

"Work out more." Hajime told her. Hoshi gave her the finger. Hajime dragged Hoshi away leaving the boys alone with the cookies.

***Ding*** the oven beeped.

"Cookies are ready." Itachi said taking them out of the oven with some oven mitts.

"Hey, it smells good in here." Kisame smiled as he walked into the kitchen. "Can I try a cookie?"

"No, not yet." Itachi told him.

"Aw, why not?"

"Because we're not having the potluck until later tonight." Itachi told him. Itachi looked over at Deidara since he was being strangely quiet. His mouth was full of cookie…all three of them. "DEIDARA!!"

"What? I didn't do anything!" Deidara said putting his hands up. They were covered with cookie crumbs. He hid his hands behind his back and wiped his mouth to make it look like he didn't eat the three cookies that were missing off of the pan. Itachi sighed and walked out of the kitchen with the cookie pan.

"I still didn't get one…" Kisame pouted. Deidara left after drinking a glass of milk and left Kisame alone in the kitchen. Hajime ran into the kitchen soon after and closed the door behind her. She locked it and ran to the other side of the room.

"I was never here!" Hajime yelled. Kisame nodded. She ran though the large hole in the wall and was gone. Hoshi crashed through the locked door leaving another hole in the kitchen wall.

"Hole number three." Kisame noted.

"Where is she?!?" Hoshi growled.

"Where's who?" Kisame asked.

"Hajime!"

"Hajime who?" Kisame asked.

"You know who I'm talking about, Kisame."

"I do?"

"Enough mind games now where is she?" Hoshi yelled.

"Where's who?" Kisame asked again.

"Tell me now!!" Hoshi growled.

"I'll never tell!" Kisame yelled.

"Tell me now of I'll turn you into sushi." Hoshi threatened.

"She went that way!" Kisame pointed to where Hajime went in fear of being turned into sushi. Hoshi ran through the wall in the direction Kisame was pointing to. "Hole number four." Kisame mumbled.

"By the way Kisame," Hoshi said poking her head into the room. "You're cleaning this up."

Kisame looked around the room and groaned. "Awwwww…" He breathed. The room was a mess and he had to fix four holes in the wall.

The walls were fixed after a couple hours and everyone had their food items out on a table waiting to be eaten. Hajime was holding a pan of sushi with a wide smirk across her face.

"Hajime," Michaela stuttered. "Where's Kisame?"

"He's in a better place now, we will always remember him in our stomachs." Hajime smiled as she ate a piece of sushi.

Michaela gasped. "You killed him and made sushi out of him!! He was the father to my unborn child that grows within my stomach and you turned him into sushi!!" She yelled before fainting.

There was the sound of someone bashing his or her foot against a door or something. Deidara opened the closet door and found Kisame tied to a chair with tape over his mouth. "Hey, Kisame's alive, un." Deidara laughed.

"Well sure he is," Hajime shrugged. "When I said he's in a better place now, I meant that any place is better than the kitchen since he sucks at cooking." Everyone laughed except for Kisame who was still trying to untie himself from the chair so he could eat the food everyone else was eating.

In the end, the cookies that Deidara and Itachi made were really good but they never made cookies or anything together ever again after that horrific day of cooking. Will they do it again? No one will ever know… or will they?

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**And that's it. Mind you, we wrote this in about two hours so if it isn't any good, you'll kinda know why but tell us what you think of it anyway. Thanks, XDeidara.**


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